NOTE: This is the last finalist for the Top Ten Metaphors of 2008. The final order of the list will be published very soon. Thanks for your patience. Top Ten Finalist: Toxic Assets The economy took the plunge in O'eight, dousing the Dow and diluting Widow-and-orphan stocks into widow's mite stocks. This 'cession began when err-do-well banks SWAPped, swiped and swindled their way to the bottom by selling sub-standard sand castles and banking on bridled bankrupcy. In turn, the bad bets on bad debts left forward players downright backed up, out in the cold and freezing their assets. Toxic assets we called them (we prefer accidental poison pills or the skeletons in our wallets). They threatened to corrode the economy, forcing the big-ticket bank rescue universally known as the bailout bill. It's nothing new - execs screw up, then the Gov coughs up. But, hey - we live and loan: those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to get federal aid.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Spring Cleaning
In order to finish our much-anticipated/little-delivered Top Ten Metaphors of 2008, we had to finish editing two posts meant for publication last year. You can find them here...
Campaign '08: A Ben Hur Redux Was the election a race, or was it a battle?
Aw, Rats! The Year of the Rats
Friday, April 24, 2009
Top Ten Metaphors Finalist: Addiction
NOTE: The Top Ten Metaphors for 2008 finalists are being released as they are completed. The final order of the list will be published soon.
Finalist: Addiction
After burying the needle and reaching all-time highs, the delirious global economy took one hit too many and hit rock bottom. Yet again, it was time to draw the line and look in the mirror: we'd become addicted to oil, addicted to spending and addicted to debt; we were broke and begging for change on the Street; depression was setting in. On chronically token, stone-sober reflection, we'd wasted years on debt-enabling policies and self-destructive optimism. So what did the government do to help us with our little problem? They borrowed more money so we could buy more stuff.
[Also: Motorola Krave; CNN's Energy Fix; John Oliver's "Failure Junkie"]
Finalist: Addiction
After burying the needle and reaching all-time highs, the delirious global economy took one hit too many and hit rock bottom. Yet again, it was time to draw the line and look in the mirror: we'd become addicted to oil, addicted to spending and addicted to debt; we were broke and begging for change on the Street; depression was setting in. On chronically token, stone-sober reflection, we'd wasted years on debt-enabling policies and self-destructive optimism. So what did the government do to help us with our little problem? They borrowed more money so we could buy more stuff.
[Also: Motorola Krave; CNN's Energy Fix; John Oliver's "Failure Junkie"]
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Top Ten Metaphors Finalist: Ratchet
NOTE: The Top Ten Metaphors for 2008 finalists are being released as they are completed. The final order of the list will be published soon.
Finalist: Ratchet
Openly blowing smoke for years, the global economy began to sputter and lose speed, then its wheels fell off. In rhesponse, dusty gray repair vehicles were called into service, including trusty ambulances (resuscitate, CPR), tugboats (salvage, bailout) and tow trucks (jump-start, refuel). These fix-it-'phors came to a head in the fall when backbench merchanics started promising to "ratchet up" everything from soup to nuts. However, this hands-on verbal tool lost its teeth when we discovered that it was all talk - no one actually knew how to repair this heap. "It's a real fixer-upper", we were told. Sure, if you can find anyone who has the parts...
Finalist: Ratchet
Openly blowing smoke for years, the global economy began to sputter and lose speed, then its wheels fell off. In rhesponse, dusty gray repair vehicles were called into service, including trusty ambulances (resuscitate, CPR), tugboats (salvage, bailout) and tow trucks (jump-start, refuel). These fix-it-'phors came to a head in the fall when backbench merchanics started promising to "ratchet up" everything from soup to nuts. However, this hands-on verbal tool lost its teeth when we discovered that it was all talk - no one actually knew how to repair this heap. "It's a real fixer-upper", we were told. Sure, if you can find anyone who has the parts...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Top Ten Metaphors Finalist: Surge
NOTE: The Top Ten Metaphors for 2008 finalists are being released one at a time over the next few weeks. The final order of the list will be determined in part by reader feedback.
Finalist: Surge
As the troop surge marched on, the unsinkable "surge" concept was peaking on radiowaves and brainwaves alike. Eleven Pirates felt a surge on the scoreboards while Tenet's pilots saw a surge in surgeries. Sperable candidates surged in the polls and spurious stocks surged in sticker price - at least, that is, until the countersurge came. We don't talk much about stock surges anymore. However, we do hear the word "plunge" is surging...
Finalist: Surge
As the troop surge marched on, the unsinkable "surge" concept was peaking on radiowaves and brainwaves alike. Eleven Pirates felt a surge on the scoreboards while Tenet's pilots saw a surge in surgeries. Sperable candidates surged in the polls and spurious stocks surged in sticker price - at least, that is, until the countersurge came. We don't talk much about stock surges anymore. However, we do hear the word "plunge" is surging...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Top Ten Metaphor Finalist: Rock Star
NOTE: The Top Ten Metaphors for 2008 finalists are being released one at a time over the next few weeks. The final order of the list will be determined in part by reader feedback.
Finalist: Rock Star
What was once on the Sunrise side of the generation gap now straddles the greens and the grays. Record of choice - "she's the rock star of the Republican party", referring to vice presidi'n'tial candidate Sarah Palin. While this Sarabullish metaphor was being crooned to her neat-o north-of-forty herd, the prObama crowd crowed the same KoЯn-ish kernel to his fledgling under-40 flock. Rock-star - it's a little bit country, it's a little bit rock-n-roll, and it's now the un-sung hero of the stage.
Finalist: Rock Star
What was once on the Sunrise side of the generation gap now straddles the greens and the grays. Record of choice - "she's the rock star of the Republican party", referring to vice presidi'n'tial candidate Sarah Palin. While this Sarabullish metaphor was being crooned to her neat-o north-of-forty herd, the prObama crowd crowed the same KoЯn-ish kernel to his fledgling under-40 flock. Rock-star - it's a little bit country, it's a little bit rock-n-roll, and it's now the un-sung hero of the stage.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Top Ten Metaphor Finalist: Train Wreck
NOTE: The Top Ten Metaphors for 2008 finalists are being released one at a time over the next few weeks. The final order of the list will be determined in part by reader feedback.
Finalist: Train Wreck
When a situation goes off the rails and winds up a twisted mental mess, writers get off their cabooses and fire up the train-wreck express. With cognitive ties to Tsunamiville, Stormburg and Meltdowntown, this hobo-kenned vehicle made a year-long milk run through the Wires, the Posts and the Telegraphs of the press's iron road. Complete with incompetent engineers, ill-maintained corporate boxcars and a miscarriage of justice, the last train wreck left banking bums covering their tracks, bucking for mulligans and begging for handouts. All a-board!
Finalist: Train Wreck
When a situation goes off the rails and winds up a twisted mental mess, writers get off their cabooses and fire up the train-wreck express. With cognitive ties to Tsunamiville, Stormburg and Meltdowntown, this hobo-kenned vehicle made a year-long milk run through the Wires, the Posts and the Telegraphs of the press's iron road. Complete with incompetent engineers, ill-maintained corporate boxcars and a miscarriage of justice, the last train wreck left banking bums covering their tracks, bucking for mulligans and begging for handouts. All a-board!
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